Tonight, I watched “Think like a Man” and indeed it was an amazing movie! Written beautifully and acted out beautifully. Watching this movie got me to thinking. I started thinking about relationships and love and it all works. It also got me to thinking about the reasons why I haven’t been in a relationship ever! Here’s the basic rundown of what’s got me here. It’s basically a confessional,So, here goes.
Starting out as a late bloomer, I didn’t get interested in men on a deeper level until I turned 21. I got my first kiss when I was 21, from one my oldest friends. And I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know what I was doing and I thought that I was going to go into shock when it happened. He knew what he was doing, trust me. I just felt like I was screwing it up until later, when he told me that I hadn’t. But, I still think that he was being nice. Anyway, I had a crush on my neighbor who was ten years older than I am, and being the outspoken nut that I am, I told him. He’s not married or living with anyone. But, I just wanted him to know. Now, I’ve known him for many years as well.
This was all so confusing to me. Having a crush on my neighbor, but getting my first kiss from another one of my close friends. Just crazy, right? I mean, for most people this was amateur hour. Anyway, I have always liked the guy that I couldn’t have. Either he was older and a bad boy/thug, (By the way, I just hate that word. Thug. It sounds the sound that a big sack of potatoes make, when it hits the ground!) or the guy was my age and a bad boy/thug. So, as you can see, what fascinates me is Bad Boys/Thugs. But, my heart is with Gentlemen. I love a guy that pulls out the chair, opens the door, compliments the lady, etc.
But, One thing that I have a problem with, Trust. I don’t Men the way that I want to, the way that I wish I could. I want to be able to have that relationship where I could be to have a good time and relax. Enjoy myself. I would love to be able to trust men. But, because of my parents’ marriage, he took away my trust. He lied to me, disappointed me and kept me from being to trust him, because I knew I couldn’t. I didn’t know how that effected me until now. Now, I am 26 and I want to have a boyfriend. There are days when I want to be able to share my concerns and my wishes with a guy. Maybe have some lunch and compare notes of the day. Then, there are nights when all I want is a hug. A Big Bear Hug! That’s it. I’m not asking for much.
But, here’s the concern. I don’t want to be that girl that makes a guy scared to be with. Because my concern is that, if the guy does something stupid that I hate, that I will let all of that anger towards my Father, come out and attack my boyfriend. I can’t make another man, pay for the mistakes of him. I can’t do it, it’s not fair. And I don’t want to be a labeled as the girl with the “Daddy Issues”. I mean, let’s face it. I couldn’t blame him for leaving me, if I let my personal issues to consume me.
So, that’s something that I’ve got to work on. I don’t want to miss out on great things, because of my trust issues. I’ve already missed out on so much and I don’t want to miss out on the best.
You know, I can’t believe how much this movie made me think about my life, my worries, my outlook on relationships. I want the relationship to the right one and I want to enter into it, with a clear mind and not bound by and with issues. So, I will definitely try to do better.
I just hope that my issues won’t haunt me. But, that it will help me to grow.
By the way, the book is A-Freakin’-Mazing!!!!